I want slow, early mornings on my deck, overlooking the lake. Coffee in hand, sitting next to the love of my life. I want big coffee mugs, that you need both hands to hold.

I want a cabin style home, 2 stories surrounded by a lush green forrest. I was gigantic windows and tall ceiling. A beautiful fireplace and an enormous kitchen. I want a front deck and a back one with a prch swing and hammocks in the back, ties to trees. I want a big ass boat, for days I need some air and new scenery.

I hate that I feel like I have to check the demographics of any space before I move there- to make sure at least some people look like me, at least some people have my back and would march and protest for me.

I saw myself in Breonna Taylor… 25, chocolate skin, sleeping.

What I didn’t see were my college best friends hitting the streets in advocacy of my life. My right to live, nor my boyfriend’s, my dad’s. And that is what didn’t sit right with me. It wasn’t what was going on- it was what I already knew being pushed to the forefront of my feelings and thoughts I long ignored.

For so many, it is a choice whether or not to ignore realities, for so many it isn’t. It is an everyday experience. For so long, I’d been a Black moderate. I’d say my education, my teaching was my activism. It’s through the application… the unapologetic audacity. Only {applied} knowledge is power.

I think uncertainty comes when you are navigating a new space… Maybe a space that has been calling your names. Or maybe one you didn’t realize existed. Whatever your situation or reason, you were meant to be here, even if you can’t answer why just yet. And now that you are, what better time to take charge? It’s never too late to jump ahead of the parade and redirect, or maybe start on of your own on an unbeaten path… now is the time more than ever to hold yourself to a higher standard, hold yourself accountable.