Are you the main character or just selfish?

3 things keep me young.

1. My 21 year old sister
2. My high school students
3. TikTok

I’ve been hearing a lot about becoming the main character in your life. And while I like the sound of that, as someone in a relationship.. I struggle to find that balance. I believe that being the main character in your life and being selfish are two distinct concepts, although there can be overlap pending on your behavior and/or  perspective.

Being the main character in your life refers to having a sense of self-worth, autonomy, and agency in shaping your own life experiences. I believe it means recognizing that you are responsible for your own happiness, growth and fulfillment. Being this main character involves prioritizing yourself, setting goals and making choices that align with those goals and your values. I believe it’s about proactively taking ownership of your life through constant self -care and self-improvement. 

Then there’s being selfish. 

The Oxford definition of selfish is: (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. 

Oftentimes, a selfish person lacks empathy and disregard for the needs and feelings of others. Oftentimes, selfish people prioritize their own desires and interests over that of others… sometimes, and the expense of others. I think it can appear in several ways: seeking personal gain, refusing to share, not considering the opinions of others.

So putting together what I know/believe…being the main character emphasizes self-care and personal growth, while selfishness neglects the importance of creating, and maintaining  interpersonal relationships. So… they can co-exist if there is a balance between prioritizing your own goals , values, needs, whilst maintaining empathy and respect for others. Which makes sense. Main characters don’t only look out for themselves, they develop relationships along the way. Cultivating relationships takes respect, trust and effort on both sides. 

So maybe being the main character  in your life isn’t interchangeable with being self-absorbed but finding the balance in taking care of yourself and being mindful of the impact your actions have on people around you. Afterall, your glass has to be full before you pour into another.