I’m not even on my period.

I think that’s what’s making me realize these emotions are real. For so long, whenever I cried or felt overwhelmed, there was always something to point to. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s PMS. Maybe it’ll pass in a few days. But this time I don’t have that. I can’t explain these tears away, and I can’t write them off as something temporary. I have to face them. I can’t keep running from myself. I can’t distract myself, and I can’t move to Atlanta again hoping a new place will fix what I’ve been carrying. I have to see myself and my reality for what they really are. I’m learning that being emotional isn’t a weakness. It’s just part of who I am. I feel deeply, and maybe I always have. Sometimes I feel so much that it makes me want to stop feeling altogether, so I build walls. Strong ones. Not because I don’t care, but because I don’t always know how to separate my thoughts from my feelings, my logic from my emotions. Maybe I’ve spent so much time trying to control what I feel that I never really stopped to understand it. These tears aren’t something to explain away anymore. They’re asking me to pay attention.